Don’t you just want to smack this kid?

His parents, honest folks, take him to the pool, ensure that the little turd doesn’t drown, and he’s crying.

As a self-proclaimed (somewhat) expert in the field of child rearing (babysitter, three time aunt, nanny for 3 1/2 years. No big deal.), I know a thing or two about smackin’ a kid around*. There is a time and a place to tell your kid what’s what when he/she is being a little dillhole. Namely when they are:

1. Crying
2. Complaining
3. Breathing

I kid, I kid about number three. I’m not a child hater, I just think that too many parents are afraid to be the “bad guy” or just want to be friends with their kids. Get over it and get a Facebook account, respectively.

Kids can be little creeps and they know what they can and can’t get away with. Cracking the whip every now and then keeps them in line. Don’t run your house like training camp for Vietnam, but find “the look” or a specific pitch in your voice that’ll scare the bejesus out of your kids when they act up (which they will whenever they can. See also: first sentence of this paragraph.).

Moreover, aren’t the people with loony parents the best ones? Pretty much every comedian/funny person you know has wacked out parents. The trick is knowing the difference between making another George Carlin and another Ed Gein.

* I don’t actually smack kids around.



  1. E

    You do so smack kids around… liar!

    Good stuff and I agree with what you say. Don’t be afraid to be a parent, I know it’s very “hipster” (hahaha) to be your childs friend, but what your child needs is a parent. I am get along with my children and I love to hangout with them, but make no mistake they are very aware that I am their parent…. at least I hope so.

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