As is the way many strange thoughts pop into my head, I started thinking about clowns while I was having a little wee. Without diving into the obnoxiously erroneous details as to how they popped into my mind, I was thinking of how the boy I nanny often says things like, “that tastes funny” to which I instantly reply, in my Dad-joke-like way, “funny like a clown?”

But, as you will note in the above picture, clowns are rarely funny to me, but, to be fair, I was never much around clowns growing up. In fact, and I’m not saying my folks were bad people in the way of throwing a romping kids’ party, I don’t ever recall having a clown at any of my birthday parties. Moreover, my first memorable introduction to clowns simultaneously made me afraid of sewers, showers, and spiders (the three deadly S’s, if you will).

What the eff, Stephen King? You’re at least old enough to have enjoyed clowns in your heyday. Why ruin it for the rest of us? Sure, ruin cell phones by making them kill people or invent a pet cemetery that breeds mangy cats and homicidal children, but don’t make me afraid to go into the shower because I’m worried the danged shower head will start moving.

While obviously this is enough to scare the bejesus out of an unsuspecting child trying to sneak in late night adult horror movie flicks when she should be in bed, it doesn’t take a creepy clown/spider combo to sour your grapes. Just ask this kid:


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