YR THE BEST AROUND

Gone are the days of the montage. Remember when you couldn’t watch a movie without two or three minutes of pumped up music and action shots that are supposed to convince you of the protagonist’s new abilities? Let’s take a confusing stroll down montage memory lane, shall we?

The Karate Kid

Something magical happens to the logical part of your brain when Joe Esposito tells you you’re the best around and that nobody in the world can ever take you down. Such is the case with Daniel Larusso. After spending half the movie getting his ass kicked, he spends 1/4 of the time doing chores for an old man and the other 1/4 handing out a beat down to Cobra Kai in front of thousands of people (at an amateur karate contest. Really?). He’s the best arrrouuundd.

Rocky I-IV

Eye of the Tiger? Check. Homoerotic workout sessions on the beach? Check. There’s something for everyone in each of the Rocky movies, but nothing beats the overkill of one-armed push ups, meat punching, and various sweaty shots of him just finishing an intense workout all throughout Philadelphia. I’d like to see the part where Rocky plants his ass in front of the TV and lets himself go in between movies, thus calling upon the classic combination of bad/good music and endurance shots that make the montage what it is today.

Footloose

Nothing like a seven minute gymnastics-esque dance sequence to get the party started. Following the tradition of many a training montage, Kevin Bacon finds several conveniently useful locations in which to teach Willard how to use his two left feet. Also, despite the fact that 1. dancing is illegal (which begs the additional “WTF? Seriously?”) and 2. Willard is embarrassed to learn the “fant-see city slicker moves”, all training is completed in highly public areas. More importantly, the film had two fatal flaws:

  1. The montage failed to work as Willard still looked like an idiot at the dance.
  2. Kevin Bacon’s character was straight.

South Park – Asspen

Yup. Can’t knock the Better Off Dead reference.

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