ARE YOU KID-IN ME?

Nothing says creepy like searching for “little girl” in Google images. Now if Chris Hansen doesn’t barge through the door in the next few minutes, I can explain myself. Every day at my job, I open a buttload of mail. It’s almost always junk and the other day was no exception. Only, it wasn’t your run-of-the-mill useless adult catalog crap, it was worse. It was Garnet Hill Kids and Mini Boden. FML for even knowing what those are…

Allow me to shed some light on the situation, friends. What’s up with parents trying to make their kids look like miniature adults? Kids are like midgets with better motor functions and body proportion; they don’t get to dress like grown ups. OK, so this isn’t J. Crew kid and they don’t look like actual grownups, but still; the ‘fashion forward’ mismatched prints look with knee high boots and a useless scarf? They’re one step away from [insert trendy nightclub here] and an Urban Outfitters addiction. What is the deal?¹ First of all, these clothes cost the same or more as the clothes I buy and unless I get picked up for Woman vs Food (fingers crossed!), I’m actually going to be able to wear mine forever. Anyway, in my creepster Google session this morning, here’s what really took the cake:

As far as models go, they have the whole androgynous and disgustingly thin thing down, but…what? I don’t know who this designer is, because who the hell really cares, but what normal² parent is going to dress their children in this? I saw a little girl wearing heels the other day and just about had a seizure. What happened to turquoise leggings with a Little Mermaid t-shirt (true story: that was pretty much what I wore every day when I was seven) and disheveled hair? Between this and allowing women to vote, I don’t know what this country is coming to…

Now here’s an outfit I can really appreciate.

It’s slightly conservative, super cute, and even a little fun paired with the right shoes.

Not to mention, it looks really good with a splash of red and they can wear it forever and ever and ever…

 

¹ Hi, Jerry Seinfeld.
² NORMAL.

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