WINK WINK

I don’t get out much. When I do, it’s awkward and uncomfortable for all involved and usually ends up with me acting like maybe I was severely malnourished during crucial developmental years.

Lately, I’ve taken to winking at people. My grandpops winks when we play cards, like he’s up to something, and it’s cool because he’s old and my grandpops, but this isn’t that kind of wink. This is an I’m-in-a-store-and-you-helped-me-find-something-thanks-wink. And I’m 24 GD years old, why am I winking at people?

Let me further clarify that this is not a sexy wink, nor am I concerned with it being interpreted as such. I’m well aware that it’s a creep out/weirdy wink like so:

I pray to God that anyone I come in contact with thinks I have Tourette syndrome rather than thinking that I consciously winked at them. I have contemplated following the wink up with some sort of neck-jerk tic as an offset maneuver, but despite my recently stunted social skills, I still have a slight grasp on things.

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