Thanks to my sister, I’m pretty much Pinterest’s bitch now. It’s quite possibly the closest thing to a black hole besides, well, a black hole. For all I know I could have just signed away my life savings or had a baby because I don’t know where the last three days hours went.
But besides inexplicable gaps of time for which I can’t account for any goings-on around me, the thing I hate about Pinterest is that it makes me feel boring and not creative. I know I’m boring, okay? I stay in on Friday nights and watch TV with my dog in my pajamas. That’s why I go online; to see dumb people doing dumb things so that I can feel better about myself, not so some stupid Web site can show me I’m lame.
Here I was thinking yellow cabinets would be a bold move and then you had to be a dillhole and poop all over my creativity. “Pfft, yellow? Yeah that’s cool… I guess.” Well, suck it; the sixties are over, man, and those acid flashbacks aren’t going to be so cool when you’re baptizing your baby and it turns into a mutant.
Still, purple aside, it’s pretty effing amazing and for that, you weird, anonymous Scandinavian turd, I hate you.
I guess the real problem is that I’m lazy and I hate this DIY craze. I hate it because I see all of this weird stuff I want, but I’m too lazy to make it and I can’t buy it anywhere. And you smug b-holes with your circular saws and can-do gumption are real heels.
If you were true patriots you would mass produce this stuff, in China of course, super cheap so that I and my lazy turd compatriots could buy it.